Leaving for college

Well, I'm sitting in my empty room, all packed for college, and leaving tomorrow morning on the early train.

Even though I'll be home for summer and winter breaks, this could quite possibly be the last time I live, fulltime, under this roof.

I probably will again, of course: it'll take me two years to pay off my student loans, and during that time I expect I'll be living at home. But you never know, and I can't say for sure what the future will bring.

Besides living at home, it's hard to say what is coming to an end. I've already been attending college, getting remarkably high GPAs, and paying my own way through it. I'm not paying my own way through Grove City, and I doubt my GPA will be as high there as it's been at MC. So in some ways, transferring to Grove City is a step down rather than up.

On the other hand, Grove City is the college of my dreams. MC, despite how much of it I greatly enjoyed, always felt like a transitionary period for me. (Granted, thats what it's SUPPOSED to be for everyone, but don't get me started.) At Grove City, I can finish getting my bachelor's degree in a place I'd be proud to have attended.

During long, busy weeks at MC, sometimes I felt like I didn't live at home, or as though I only slept there. This was usually true, in fact. I could go for days without seeing some family members. The only "problem" was that I was still responsible for my contributions to the family. At Grove City, I won't have a family to be responsible to.

Despite the fact that most things in my life do not actually change very much in this transition, it feels big. Partly this is because I'm going to a new place. Partly it's because I'm putting down roots far from home. Mostly, I think, it's because I won't be a part of an immediate family, which I serve, work for, and belong to.

I'm leaving my family.

You'd think I would be excited about being Finally On My Own. Of course I am. Not having family responsibilities will afford me a lot more time to work on school. But lately I've been realizing how essential it is to have a family. Someone to belong to; to greet you when you come in the door and ask about your day; someone you can cook for, take walks with, and share life.

This is where I'm headed, and leaving for Grove City reminds me of that. I'm going to Grove City not because I want to get away from a family. That, in fact, is the hardest part. I'm going to Grove City because I know I'm called to support a family of my own.

Not having a family around me for the next several semesters will be tough. By God's grace, though, I'll make it. I know that having, supporting, and caring for one's own family isn't the finish line of life - but it's what is driving my efforts right now.

Let's do this college thing.