Post-NA

God has been merciful to me.

I think I have always been a person who thrives on and lives for exciting, life-disrupting experiences. I didn't like complacency or routine, and I'd shudder at the prospect of several months to look forward to without a big event anytime in the near future. As in: "Christmas is over; now life will be terribly boring until May."

As I began to grow as a Christian, that event-focused mentality turned into a dissatisfaction with real life and a desire for "mountaintop experiences." I'd depend on events like the senior high retreat, a church ministry night, or New Attitude to keep me going in the Christian faith. I'd expect to be changed by the high-intensity spiritual event, rather than by constant pursuit and practice of godliness.

One blessing I've received, while it didn't feel like a blessing for a while, is that I've pretty much outgrown that. The excitement of big events isn't what keeps me going anymore. In the greater scheme of things, one day is about as important as the next. I don't get as wrapped up in going somewhere exciting or having a mountaintop experience, because I know that a few days later life will be back to normal.

I first noticed this last time I was at Kings Dominion. I love Kings Dominion. A one-day trip there has been the highlight of many of my past summers, and will hopefully be a highlight of many more. The night before, I'd been participating in a ministry night with many of my high school friends, praying for them and watching God work in great ways. But, as I was standing in line for some ride with my best friends, I realized I wasn't as excited about this as I used to be. It wasn't that the excitement had waned for me, or that familiarity had bred contempt, as familiarity is wont to do. It was simply that I saw that couple of days in a little bit better perspective. It probably had to do with growing up, but I gradually became aware that "real life" is actually real life (surprise), and that temporary, exciting events go by really fast.

I've come back from a lot of conferences all energized and ready to pursue God like never before. Sometimes I've even managed to keep it up for a while. But my faith always seems to go stale, and eventually I drift back into my old half-hearted pursuit of God until the next conference.

At New Attitude they warned us about that. "Let's not apply these messages just for the next few weeks or months," C.J. said. "I pray that years from now we may still be experiencing the fruit of what we learned here." (paraphrased)

God was merciful to me.

When I got back from New Attitude, the spiritual fervor I'd collected during the conference fell flat. Just like that. It was back to real life from Day 1, or at least Day 2. God did not allow me to bask in the afterglow! There was no afterglow.

So I had to pursue God. I had to, and by His grace, I did seek joy in Him. I took a small step and read my Bible one day. I listened to some of the messages another day. I picked up Valley of Vision after a week or two and started getting into that again. I've just started reading J.I. Packer's "Knowing God," and reading lots of the Bible.

God is blessing that in amazing ways now! He is giving me more knowledge of Him and more grace to pursue Him as I use the grace He gives. It's starting to be like drinking from a firehose all over again - except this time, the firehose isn't excellent messages from seasoned pastors, it's God's Word.

I don't have any well-written paragraph to finish up this post. But this is what's going on right now in my life. I'm praying to God that it continues and increases and that He helps me pursue Him with my whole life.